Doctor Who Minific

All of the below were written for the pleasure of Shadowkitty.

Legacy The secret origin of Jack Harkness
Jack Harkness and the Killer Bunnies of Jupiter
Sidetrip to the Hellmouth Buffy crossover snippet
Statistics Romana wants to know why it is always her fault.


Jack was always very smart, and this upset his parents, who thought his education should have been restricted to how to use his credit disk. He was a Harkness of Tau Ceti 6 and needed to know no more, just how to rejoice in the beautiful wealth the blood of its blue-skinned natives brought, and how that bought so many fabulous things. Like his uncle's hamster tennis set which used real hamsters imported from earth and bred at great cost.

Jack set out into the universe, the regretable consequence of too much education and the ill-favoured choice of school which left him surrounded by fuzzy liberals (and indeed they were fuzzy, and furry and liberals and his uncle would have liked to play tennis with them) and this is why he is the only living member of the Harknesses of Tau Ceti 6 at the present date.

His family having lost a specially celebratory tennis match specially conceived by the rebel faction.

They never knew that Jack had serrupticiously sent them the funds with which to obtain things considerably more useful and offensive than the hamster tennis set.

Jack Harkness And The Killer Bunnies Of Jupiter

Killer Bunnies.

If there were ever two words to strike fear into a time-agent's heart, they were those.

The Killer Bunnies of the Blue Moons of Jupiter were quite notorious.

Of course, everyone knew about them except for the new boy.

Jack siddled up to the unfortunate, "You know, there's a job that needs doing on the QT, right? And you're the guy to do it, you've got just the talents we're looking for..." he said, and handed the kid a mutant carrot.

Everyone knew about the Killer Bunnies, except for young Cadet Jones who was going to spend the next month looking for them while wearing a deep space environment suit.

There were times when they wondered where they recruited the kids from these days. They were all so green, except for the Alpha Centurian in Unhappenings, who was green but was smart enough not to end up on the Blue Moon of Jupiter in Meteor Season.

Sidetrip To The Hellmouth

"Jack, just let me check you over..." the Doctor began.

"Doctor, I do not need checking with the sonic medical scanner or whatever it is, I'm just fine, look no bites, nothing."

Rose stared at Jack, with a look she'd learnt from her mother but would never admit to, until he stayed still in the centre of the librarian's living room. Then she turned round and looked at some of the books, trying at once to work out the titles and would would have a book called "vampyr" anyway, and scope the blonde girl's outfit. She was trying to learn from Jack, camoflague herself to the era; and see if she could see whether Bunny or whatever her name was had a boyfriend. While she got that she couldn't have Jack, or put up with him, she didn't want Miss California here getting into his pants either.

"Hhm..." began the Doctor looking at the holographic readout, "this says you're not quite human," tailing off quietly, hoping Jack didn't hear.

But Jack's attention was focused elsewhere, on the other blonde, much to Rose's momentary annoyance. "I say," Jack began smiling devilishly, "you don't half look like my great aunt Anyankha."


The Doctor strode into the console room. If his intention was to temporalily mislay Romana in the labyrinthine passages of the TARDIS, than he was sorely disappointed, somewhere, beneath the bluster and the teeth and the curls. If anyone present was the sort of entity to comment on such things, the smile he wore would be declared decidely false.

K9 was not that sort of entity, he had just finished soaking up a refreshing datastream from the Console and was now feeling more than a little lethargic and wished to recharge his batteries before they stepped out the Time Ship's door and were confronted by eighty-seven percent chance of trouble and only a fifthteen percentile of stairs. K9 would hope for stairs to become intrinsically more popular amongst architects of moldering space bases the universe over, but hope was illogical.

Romana was that sort of entity, but was currently jogging behind the Doctor in a frentic attempt to keep up. "What do you mean," she said, sweeping back her blonde hair as she ran, "that it's always my fault. I mean, you are the one who gets us into these places anyway."

K9 whirred, "Yes, Romanamistress, but Doctormaster is conciderably more skilled at not exacerbating the situation, while your solutions result in events designated "trouble" seventy-six point nine percent of occurences."

Romana looked at K9 like he had eaten her best hat. She had always counted on the cybernetic canine to take her side in the argument, which was foolish since, as she would be the first to admit, side taking was illogical. "So much for lies, damned lies and statistics, then," she admitted.

The Doctor smiled what was a much more aesthetically pleasing smile, "Perhaps, K9, you should set course for somewhere with a eightieth percentile chance of a decent red wine, oh, and oil."

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