Real Person Slash(er) Movie

Hugh's sitting in his hotel room, using a computer, that Callum can't believe. And he's typing, admittedly, it's two finger typing and he's been giggling to himself, and it's infuriating, because Hugh is staring at the computer and giving it all his brain run time.

More to the point, Callum isn't getting any of it, the brain run time, and he's beginning to wonder if Hugh would even notice, if say, he got totally naked on Hugh's bed and started jacking himself off, with every single fakey sex noise Mr Callum Keith Rennie has ever made on screen.

They are quite convincing, allegedly, but Callum hates watching his own stuff, and his own sex scenes even more, it's all "and this is when Molly Parker told me not to do that or she'll knee me in the groin", which isn't something anybody would put on dvd commentary even, and they tend to be full of bull. He got his courtesy copy of his Mountie Show stuff, and Paul never even mentioned the fact they were sledding into the sunset together. He knew he wouldn't say anything about what happened after, in the hotel, but that was the deal, but it was like there was an eerie silence. If it was Fraser, it would be respectful, but with Paul, it just, well, Paul wouldn't get respectful if it landed on his head and called him mummy.

Callum doesn't really pay attention to the way his hands are skinny his shirt off, still watching Hugh The Internet Zombie, when Hugh goes, "man, that is so lame."

Callum takes that as an invitation to go look, so he presses up against Hugh's back. And looks over Hugh's shoulder, but the pressing is the big bit, maybe Hugh will catch the clue bus, the short bus, any damn bus. "It's the band website man, I was following a link or three, and down the line there's this shit."

And Hugh sticks up his hands, and makes like glove puppets, and Callum admits that it is lame, in a kind of ironic hilarious way, as left hand Callum goes "yoga for groupies", which is kind of cool. Maybe they could invent there own form of Yoga, position one: hugh apologetically sucking Callum off...

And then there's a flurry accross the keys, and Hugh's like, "wonder if she's done anymore of this shit."

But Callum's too busy thinking his way through his new form of Yoga and wondering if Hugh will end up calling it Yoghurt, which is real likely, and they'll laugh, and then Hugh will order Yoghurt from room service and...

"Oh, that's cool," Hugh said, "This one says you're a serial killer, kind of extra methodical acting..."

And Callum thinks, no, but if you don't get off that computer I might be...

Feedback is sacrificed to the dark gods of slash, and should be sent here